So Here's the Real Scoop

What's really going on in that head of mine? Well, a lot of things. I figure that I'll just word-vomit (as my 11th graders like to say) here for a while...

This year has been like nothing I would have expected. It's funny how for me God has always been leading me and guiding me. This has been the first year that he's led me in a direction that I didn't really want to go in though...That's been hard. People always say that God really won't make you do something you don't want to do, and I've always believed that, but this year I didn't want to teach in my hometown. I REALLY didn't want to, and yet I found myself there.

It was clear to me that it was where God wanted me as well. As I've said in previous posts, I didn't apply for a job. I never even interviewed. The school called me! That's unheard of, especially in MI where there are at least 200 applicants for each teaching job. Have you heard of the unemployment here yet???? I wanted to actually go back to NJ. I wanted to do VincentworX. What's interesting though, is that I never would have been able to. With the seminary closing and everything, my year would have been cut short. God always has a way of knowing things ahead of time doesn't he?

Anyway, I found myself teaching in my SMALL hometown where I had NO friends and NO desire to put down roots. I'm not kidding. I'm not a farmer, I have liberal friends, and I like to travel; I really don't fit in. The fall was so hard for me. I LOVE high school students and I LOVE teaching, but it has a lot of challenges. I had no preparation and LHS is incredibly understaffed. I think I lost about 10-15 pounds during the first two months just because I was so stressed, nervous, and busy. I also had no support and I was suffering from LWorX community withdrawl. My closest friends live about an hour or so away, and I couldn't drive far every weekend. Keeping my faith strong was difficult as well. I REQUIRE faith community. I NEED it to stay close to Jesus. I struggled.

Regardless, I stayed as strong as I could. My parents were supportive and I gradually grew closer to my collegues at work--even though they are ALL at least 40 years old! God sent me continuous signs that told me I was right where I was supposed to be. "God-incidences" as my prayer buddies would say. School got easier. The stress relaxed a little and I grew more comfortable with not being able to control everything at work. My perfectionistic side grew a lot in that department. I began a young adult group at my parish this February to keep myself from going crazy. That's been hopeful. I've been having LOTS of fun parties at my house to keep myself socially in tact. That's been good for meeting people as well.

The hardest part still remains though, because everything is unknown. Why am I in Lakeview? Why am I teaching here? How am I going to grow spiritually? (On a lighter note, how will I every meet a man I can marry who isn't a hard-core farmer/hunter? ;) ) Will God ever give me answers or am I just going to have to be okay with never knowing? I know just that I am supposed to be where I am at for now, but when will it be time to move on? Please, God, don't tell me I'm supposed to live in Lakeview my whole life! He has a lot of work to do on my heart if this is where he wants me forever. I love my job, but I can only handle living in the middle of nowhere for so long...

Well, the bell is going to ring in a minute and my third period class is going to come in, so I guess I have to go. I'm sorry if this is confusing in any way. I was crunched on time. Lunch is only so long for us working folks.

I love you all and miss you like crazy. Feel free to give me a call anytime. Because of my job, I am now great at dealing with drama and figuring out "why she said that to you" or "why he broke your heart".

-Carolyn